2 weeks since Manila

Sorry if i haven’t blogged in a while but internet was very hard to come by while in Manila. So I wrote things down in my little journal type thing. first of all my hand writing is shit. Like, I can barely read all my notes that i somehow scribbled onto paper. Living in 2013 kids mostly type shit now a days but its cool.
I’m currently home back in st. louis living the summer out in my apartment before I return HOME HOME in Chicago to start a new chapter in my life. While i was abroad I got the news that I was not approved to return to University.
That’s primarily on my mind at the moment. I’m in the process of realizing and planning the next move in my life. Bare with me as, this (blog) is where i’ll be sharing my thoughts and problems. Here goes nothing as I share my new way of thinking during my time of defeat.

I’ll be reliving my 3 weeks in the philippines here and hopefully find some sort of inspiration to what i want to do next/soon in the future. These are my stories.

Finals. A reflection of what my three years consisted off.

Finals. It’s a series of tests that college students, including myself, dread. Just weeks before summer break starts, we all scramble to the library with our pillows and blankets and hopefully come out with knowledge of an entire semester. During these countless all-nighters sleeping on desks, chugging three or four times the caffeine intake that would kill a small calf and reading until our eyes are bloodshot, we ask ourselves as to ‘WHY”?

Why am I putting myself through this “hell week”. Why did I not study during the semester? Why do I need to know this? Why am I in the library 13 hours of the day? Why is this the first time I am seeing this? Why am I so stressed?

Hell week is the week that results in procrastinating all semester and leave it all for the end. “hell week(s)” is a common term among complaining students, including myself. We compare the week(s) before our finals that we feel like we are in Hell. Last time I remembered, Hell was not located in the mid-west, or is it. Hell did not allow us to search go out all semester and skip class. Hell did not let us facebook creep our crushes or post selfies on instagram to our infinite number of creeper followers or snap chat our friends of random stuff. WE ourselves made it our Hell week. We created it, we caused it, we deserve it.

I created it, I caused it, I deserve it. 

This is a reflection on how my past three years was like at university. I was at the bottom of my career. The lowest point one could have survived on the scale of GPA’s while still going to university. I would like to say I am improving. I’ve got a fire underneath me that’s burning my ass off if I stay still for a while, figuratively speaking of course.  I chose to do what I did. I can’t blame anyone else but myself. And when I succeed I’ll praise myself.